Friday, April 29, 2011
Gentle Discipline: Going against my nature....
Uhhh I have a temper. I totally admit it. It's gotten a lot better since I got on zoloft for severe PPD but it's still something I have to think about and control. I have this idea of the type of mama I want to be in my head. Patient and understanding. I always consider what my 2 year old is experiencing to act that way. I understand her age and frustration and gently lead her through life, teaching her and guiding her.
Doesn't that sound like a lovely mama?
I try. I really do. And lately, about 75% of the time, I would say I succeed. But not always. I yell. Occasionally my hand creeps out and slaps her tushie (errr it happend today :-(...). But I'm constantly working on my first reaction and my temper issue. I truly believe that gentle parenting is the best way. We don't do time outs and we don't spank...or that's our general rule. We TRY not to yell. We try to always consider why our children are acting the way they are and working with that. We WILL take privlaiges away for a short period though. For instance, if Olivia is throwing toys angrily, she cannot play with those toys for a bit. We will also take her into another room, and stay with her, and have a "time in". Why do I do this? Because I don't want her to learn that yelling, hitting and time outs are the way to handle things. I try to look at these things from her perspective. If I put her in a corner and tell her she's in trouble, then I walk away, to her, I probably am abandoning her. I'm teaching her that I will only be with her and love her conditionally, based on her behavior. Olivia is 3 feet tall and 29 pounds. I am over 5 feet tall and...well, I weigh more then 29 lbs. If I yell at her, how scary must that be? If I hit her, I'm telling her that violence is the answer.
I don't want her to think I only love her conditionally or that violence and abandonment (in her eyes...I'm not saying time outs are abandonment) is the answer. So I strive to be a gentle understanding mother. It's not easy for me personally but because I truly believe this is the best way to handle things, I try to always be conscious of what I'm doing around my girls. It's a struggle though! I don't believe that I'm the only one out there who struggles with raising their children peacefully but still works towards it! I sure hope not! haha!
And do I really have to put a disclaimer on here that says I don't think I'm better then you because you may do time outs and I don't? If I do, let me just say that this is the last one I'm going to do this on. :p I'll talk more about different techniques I try to do with both of my girls over the life of this blog and provide articles that supports why I do what I do...or try to do what I do.